Writing Through a Blank Space

This post is a little different than what I normally share. But I hope you’ll indulge me in this as I write through some thoughts in an effort to come out on the other side of a blank space.

I can’t make myself write. I have finally opened a Word document on my Macbook in hopes that something will come out. Something funny. Something inspiring. Words that have meaning. Or just words in general. That would be nice.

I have had a mental block with writing. Not writers block, I don’t think. But just a black wall, a blank space. A nothing.

I’d like to blame it on not having enough time. Or the constant interruption of life – work, husband, children, the menagerie of tasks that come with sucking air. But really, it’s more of an incapability of effort. I can’t make myself do it. It is a mountain to climb, and I’m waist deep in mud and can’t dig myself out to even start. My feet are heavy, and I can’t make myself move. I’m simply stuck.

The reality is, I have gone through a change after five long months of dedicating time in one area of my life – or rather dedicating what felt like my whole life, my free time, my energy, my effort to completing a goal. I am at the end of that era, and I think it has left me wondering what to do with my hands. It has left me tired, sad, and unable to do more than the basic effort to get through every day – and really, I haven’t even wanted to do that. It’s not just writing I have neglected or been unable to do. It’s been many things.

People ask me quite frequently how I stay so motivated in my life. I wrote about this before. And I wrote that I am not always motivated, but that I have tried to cultivate discipline in my life. I have set goals and then outlined the tasks it takes to complete them. I put things on my calendar to help me get them done. Writing, something I love so much and an area of my life I am trying to grow in, is something I used to put on my calendar to create the discipline to do it. But somewhere I stopped. It took a back seat. I stopped making an effort.

My hope is that by getting all this out, by putting this on paper, that I can write my way through this blank space. That instead of waiting for it to go away, or somehow hoping to go around it, that I can walk straight through it and come out on the other side with a new sense of purpose and determination.

That’s how we get through anything that feels difficult, isn’t it? We walk through the feelings. We don’t avoid them, we don’t drink them away, or sleep around until they disappear. We don’t pretend they don’t exist or hope that if we eat a large pizza all by ourselves, that they will magically go away. Okay, maybe I have done some of those things before – don’t judge. But today, I walk through my feelings. Sometimes quickly. Sometimes slowly. 

I have learned that I cannot force myself to move at any pace other than the “right” pace through hard times. Even something that feels as small as not being able to write.

On the scale of 1 to someone dying or having cancer or world hunger, me not writing is something small – and I totally get that. But by sharing this, I hope to remind you all, and myself, that it doesn’t have to be a “big” thing for it to affect us. Whatever feels hard right now – you don’t have to justify it or minimize it because there are people out there who have things in their lives that are harder. What is hard for you may not be hard for me and vice versa, but we are each allowed our own feelings and our own experiences. And we each have to learn to walk through our own experiences and feelings.

Nothing last forever – not the hard times, and not the good times. We just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other through it all and realize that as long as we show up today the best that we can, everything will turn out just fine. And that right there, gives me hope.

Until next time,

Jeri Austin