Self-Care is Not Self-Indulgent

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My husband and I took a vacation at the end of October, traveling to Hawaii to celebrate our anniversary. Due to the time difference between there and my home – a five-hour difference – the first couple of days we were there, I was jet lagged and tired.

On the first afternoon of our trip, after we had gotten out and hiked and explored that morning, my husband decided to get out of the house again and go meet up with a friend who lived there. He invited me along, but I politely declined. Instead, I made myself cozy on the couch and turned on Netflix.

I don’t watch a ton of TV at home. I always feel too busy, or prefer to spend my downtime reading. But that afternoon, Netflix was calling my name.

As I lay on the couch watching a cheesy chick flick (y’all it was so cheesy), I couldn’t help but feel that I was being so incredibly self-indulgent by spending an afternoon watching a movie. I felt like I needed to be up, to be doing something – that it was somehow wrong to be laying around watching TV.

But you know what? Despite that feeling, when my husband came home, we watched another movie together.

And the next night? We watched two more movies. And then a movie a night for the rest of our trip.

Now I know to some of you, you’re like, okay what’s the big deal?

But hear me say – I don’t usually do that. I don’t usually sit around watching TV, so it felt “wrong” to me to be doing it.

There is this ridiculous message that we (read: I) get from society that if we are not constantly productive, we are lazy – if we’re not making things happen, if we’re not creating or improving, if we’re not cleaning the house or writing the next great American novel, if we’re not planning our next great work strategy – well then, we’re lazy or falling behind or just all around not as good as the other people who are doing those things.

Ridiculous, right?

And yet, that’s the message that so many of us have in us that we got from somewhere – that self-care is somehow self-indulgent.

I know rationally that it’s ridiculous. I know rationally that I am an amazing person despite what I may or may not accomplish. But getting that truth to fall from my head down to my heart is not always an easy thing.

We get so many messages from society about who we should be, how we should act, what we should do – and even if we know that they’re complete bullshit, it still sometimes takes effort to remind ourselves what we believe when those lies enter our headspace.

It is okay to slow down.

It is okay to relax and take it easy.

It is okay to watch Netflix or eat ice cream or take a nap.

It is okay to not live up to someone else’s expectations of you. 

It is okay to let go of your own expectations of yourself.

It is okay to skip a day (or two or five) at the gym.

It is okay to take a day off of work when you just need a break.

It is okay to take a hot bubble bath on a Tuesday afternoon.

It is okay to sleep in.

It is okay to leave the dishes in the sink at night so you can go to bed early and get extra sleep.

It is okay to let the kids have extra screen time so you can get a few more minutes to yourself.

Self-care is not self-indulgent.

We have to take care of ourselves every single day – in whatever way is best for each of us as individuals with our own needs and our own “stuff” that we have going on.

I’m not saying completely ignore your responsibilities. Kids need to be fed. Work has to be done. There are things you cannot ignore. Fine. But there is also time to relax and take it easy. There is also time to take care of yourself.

So go ahead, fight the feelings of self-indulgence. I give you permission to take some down time and relax.

Until next time,

Jeri Austin