A Follow Up to the Friendship Conversation

As a follow up to my last blog post about evaluating your circle, I wanted to share some other posts that I found on Instagram recently. These seem so spot on for the conversation – one listing ideals to look out for in friendships, while the other lists flags to be on the watch for.

SIGNS OF SECURE FRIENDSHIP

The Holistic Psychologist, Dr. Nivole LePera, posted these “Signs of Secure Friendship” on January 25. Each of these bullet points is a great reminder of what friendship looks like:

• There can be periods of space or distance without guilt.

• You can go to each other for honest, vulnerable, advice or feedback without being judged.

• You both are free to have different perspectives or opinions and are open, curious, and receptive with each other.

• There is mutual respect and each of you speak highly of each other in and out of each other’s presence.

• You support each other’s evolution without judgment.

• You feel free to be your authentic self in each other’s’ presence.

NINE FRIENDSHIP FLAGS

At the beginning of February, We the Urban, a black-owned account that celebrates inclusivity, self-love, and marginalized voices, posted these “Nine Friendship Flags.” These flags are so helpful when thinking about your friendships, giving you things to notice about how the people in your circle behave and how you feel when you interact with them. They are:

• Pay attention to how people react when you share good news.

• Pay attention to who you are around when you feel like your most authentic self. Keep them close.

• Pay attention to the ones who only talk about themselves and never ask about you.

• Pay attention to how your nervous system reacts around certain people. The energy will always tell you what you need to know.

• Pay attention to the conditional friends that disappear when they’re in relationships, only to come back when it’s over, seeking your emotional labour [sic].

• When they constantly use you as the butt of the joke for the entertainment of others.

• Pay attention to the people who only seem to reach out when they need something.

• Don’t get too comfortable existing in spaces where you know you deserve better.

• Believe people when they show you who they are, the first time.

I hope these short lists benefit you as much as they did me, and I hope you never settle for less than you deserve from your friendships – or from anyone.

Until next time,

Jeri Austin

P.S. If you are on Instagram and not already following these two accounts, I highly recommend doing so today!