Part of personal growth for me is learning to overcome unhealthy habits, and for me, that includes my relationship with food. I was sharing in a group recently the fact that I think I have a food addiction, and that I am working to overcome it. A woman and I spoke about it after the meeting, and she said she looks at me – my size, my athleticism – and that she doesn’t see it.
WHAT IT’S LIKE
In case you share the same thoughts about me saying I have an unhealthy relationship with food, let me paint a picture for you. For most of my life, I have been obsessed with food. I am either thinking about eating or thinking about not eating. Some days I binge to the point of feeling sick, and some days I restrict so that I barely eat anything at all. My thoughts are frequently centered around what I should eat, when I should eat it, and the possible outcome of me eating it. I have eaten to numb feelings in an effort to not feel at all. I have eaten to change my feelings. And I have eaten to feel something, anything – even if it’s just a pain in my belly from overeating. The list goes on.
And you know what? I am sick of it. I am finally at a place that I know if I truly want to grow as a person, I need to let go of this relationship with food that is no longer serving me and cultivate a new one that allows me to be my best self.
ADMITTING THE PROBLEM
I heard on a podcast recently that one of our longest running habits in our lives is eating. One of the longest relationships we’ve had, outside of our parents, is our relationship with food. So I know changing that won’t be an overnight matter. It’s going to take a lot of work, and I’m here for it.
As a member of a 12 Step community for my alcoholism, I know the first step is to admit you have a problem. Well folks, no matter what I look like, no matter what you may perceive me to be, I have a problem with food. What you see is not necessarily tied to what is actually going on inside me, and I know this has to be the same for other people out there. Our relationship with food is so much more than what we weigh or our pant size. It is our thoughts and behaviors that center around food – and mine need a serious overhauling.
I have no magic answers. Writing this blog post does not mean I have it all figured out. But my hope is that by sharing where I am in my personal growth journey, that it will allow you the freedom to do the same.
ONE DAY AT A TIME
Every day is a new day to wake up and try to be the best version of ourselves we can be. Today, I am embracing my defects so that I can begin to let them go. Today, I hope to be a little better than I was yesterday, and that includes beginning a new journey in my relationship with food.
Until next time,
Jeri Walden
